This past weekend a feeling that I have felt infrequently in my life wiggled its way back in. 

Anxiety.

 I am rarely plagued with nerves.  Getting up in front of a group of strangers has never phased me, nor has trying something new.  I have no issues looking like a fool in front of anybody, but every so often in the presence of strangers in an unfamiliar place I get a gut sinking feeling and notice a shakier and less stable walk than normal.

I don’t know why it happens.  It will start with hearing a sound behind me.  Often a voice, but the worst is the click clack of a high heel- that sound really sends me.  First my stomach flutters, and then my legs feel weak, and then my head starts thinking “ugh, I wish everyone would go away!”

Patrick and I attended a Candlelight Concert at the Kenmore Ballroom. He dropped me off at the front so he could hunt for parking. A group was headed to the entrance just in time for the man in the lead to open the door for me. A wonderful gesture I always appreciate and to top it off he also offered me an arm to help myself up the solo step before the door. I thanked him and walked on through. Then his group of friends followed suit. And so did that fluttery feeling in my stomach. And then my legs. Why? I already walk weird enough, why do you have to make it even worse?

I persevered as more people passed me.  Then I had to present my QR code.  Lean canes on table, balance as best I can, open purse, where is that darn phone?  Now to find the email.

One of the attendants saw my walk and made a point to be my host.  Showing me to the restroom when I asked where it was, not just pointing or explaining.  Later when I ran into him again, guiding me to the elevator, riding up with me, and taking me to the entrance I needed.  Truly thoughtful actions that only made me feel more uncomfortable.

Once through the entrance, I was passed to another attendant who offered to help me look for Patrick who had since parked and was saving my seat.  I politely refused and then saw Patrick waving at me.  And it all just melted away.  Sure I still walked weird, but normal weird.